Being Human Human
I used to excel at pushing my limits. It was not a secret. The pastor at our wedding even joked about my driven nature, and everyone laughed.
Just as I was driven, I was also afraid of sharing my limitations, for fear of not stacking up or letting others down. I think of the countless late-night drives home after a long op, pulling over multiple times to stretch and get air so I could make it home safely. The times I was completely unfocused at work because I had yelled at a toddler that morning to move faster, and I carried the guilt all day. My hidden inability to make a good decision because I was preoccupied with a family illness I kept secret.
It wasn't until my later years as a leader that I began to see my younger self differently. Not as a faulty human who couldn't compartmentalize everything and power through with superhuman strength, but as a human human. One who had a lot of responsibilities, carried high expectations for herself, and needed to know she wasn't alone. And that she could ask for help.
Turns out, a lot of us feel that way. And we're stronger when we build cultures where speaking up helps everyone, including ourselves.
60 line workers, 8 dowels, and a 4 pm session. These were the numbers behind a psychological safety workshop I ran this week for the Idaho Consumer-Owned Utilities Association. For three years now, they have held an annual Best Practices Workshop, where they share ideas, lessons learned, and build connections with other power professionals from communities across Idaho and neighboring states. It is a fantastic conference that has grown every year, thanks to a planning committee that genuinely listens to its members about what they want to learn.
Last year I talked about stress management and taking care of yourself. This year, my request was to talk about taking care of each other, and why team trust is a safety competency. They really are stronger together.
They already understood that trusting each other is critical, and at times, life or death. Still, these are people who are used to being active. Their day-to-day is physical, responsive, outdoors. Psychological safety is an academic term, and it needs to be felt to be understood. That was my challenge: how do you make this real for people who move all day long, and then help them carry it into the rest of their lives?
We started with an activity where they could see the impact of someone who was not at their best that day. Then we got down to business, practicing how to speak up in three situations. When they saw someone else not at their best. When they witnessed a shortcut. And when they weren't at their best themselves.
Everyone agreed that the third one was the hardest.
I get it. I spent most of my career pushing through those times instead of speaking up about them. There is sometimes a fine line between feeling off and being a real risk. Other times, they are miles apart. Building your capacity, and having in-the-moment tools to reset and rise to the challenge, matters. But sometimes that’s not enough and what matters more is being able to say that you are not at your best.
As a leader, the question is harder still. How do you build a culture where people feel safe enough to say it?
I've worked in climates where I felt supported no matter what, and others where I was afraid to bring up anything that felt off. The difference always started with leadership. You set the climate for your team.
As a leader, your job is to create a culture where people can bring up bad news before it becomes a crisis. Where they can ask for help when they need it. Where they notice when the load needs rebalancing because someone is off. Where they speak up with confidence when something isn't right, including about themselves.
If you're not there yet, or you're not sure, here are five things you can start doing.
1. Model vulnerability. Share when you've made a mistake or needed help.
2. Respond visibly. Thank people when they speak up, and show them what you did with it.
3. Get to know your people. Don't wait for a crisis to check in. Ask how people are doing and actually listen. Ask how the team is working together. Go see for yourself.
4. Debrief everything. What went well, what didn’t, what to do again, what to do differently. Not to affix blame, but to create a learning culture that normalizes imperfection and builds trust that speaking up won't cost you.
5. Practice the conversations. Write out realistic scenarios where someone might need to speak up about themselves or someone else, and practice what they would actually say. The words rarely come to us in the moment if we haven't already found them.
Whether you're in public service or your own tiny private corner of the world, the same principle applies. If you're the one struggling, you don't have to be superhuman, you just need to let someone know. And if you're the one leading, your job is to make sure they know it's safe to do so.
Build the life you are working for.
~ Sarah
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